Unconditionally

Giving somebody advice when they aren’t ready isn’t wisdom, it is abuse.

Why? Advice, at the wrong time…during times of shame or instability or worry…it is rejection in disguise. When someone invites you into their Healing they are vulnerable but when you push your advice on someone who is unwitting you are telling them that they are not OK the way they are and they should be more like you. Like you’re above them…gonna “fix” their problems because clearly they can’t.

I know this doesn’t “seem” true, but when you force your opinion or advice on someone, you’re not acting out of love but out of arrogance.

Sometimes they will need and cherish and thrive as a result of your advice and connection…but sometimes they don’t need a counselor they need a buoy, a north star, a landmark, a witness.

I know. I know. We see people we love more than life making irresponsible or ineffective decisions all the time. We know we can help! We love them so much. We want better for them. So how are we supposed to just sit idly by and watch them hit rock bottom?

Because if you don’t let them fall, as they should…as their actions dictate …you rob them of the lesson that’s attached to their behavior. And most importantly…you rob them of the transformative beauty of the climb out.

Liken it too telling someone how to play tennis versus giving them a tennis ball and a racket. When they learn on their own there’s self-esteem developing inside them. The self-esteem that comes from ourselves! And who knows…maybe when they’re ready they’ll ask you if you want to play with them.

I know it’s hard to watch them hurt and watch them struggle. You’ll probably feel like you are abandoning them, but you are not abandoning them! You’re empowering them. 

Let them know that you are there.

Love them know you’re there in the truest way…

Unconditionally.