Years ago, as so often happened, one of my boys said something that changed the way I see things.
When one of my boys was maybe three or four years old he asked me what time it was, to which I responded, “Honey, it’s 7:05.” He then said, honestly and directly, “But dadda, ‘O’ isn’t a number. It’s a letter.” He was right. They’re so often so very right when they’re young. Yet, how awkward would it have been if I had answered more accurately by saying, “Honey, it’s Seven-Zero-Five?”
Now what happens when we marry that beautiful innocence and simplicity with compassion and emotions? Well, years later, he did that for me too.
In 2015 the boys were quite young; 2nd and 4 grades. We were fortunate enough to sneak out to Palm Springs for a special showing of an amazing climbing documentary called, “Meru.” (It’s a must see on Netflix.) When we were done watching one of the boys commented…
“Oh my gosh, Dad, that was the best movie I’ve EVER seen! You know what I think is awesome too? Climbing seems like a sport, but there are no losers. Nobody has to lose. You make it or you don’t make it, but there are no winners or losers. You can do it alone or with friends, but you don’t have winners and losers. I don’t like when people have to lose. I wish that when we played sports we could always tie, so we could all go home happy just cuz we got to play.”
I thought that was beautifully innocent and so pure. The type of kindness we innately have…before it’s tarnished by those that lead us. Again, it changed the way I saw so much of what we do with our lives.
Today, terms like “socialism” and “nanny state” are ubiquitous, and participation awards are not just frowned upon but have become the poster child for the demise of the strength of our nation. That said (and no, I’m not suggesting that we should be awarded for participating) I’d love to see the softer, more integrated, less judgemental, more compassionate, more supportive, more nurturing side of us make a push. Not a push that lowers the bar so everyone can be a champion, but a push that asks our schools, churches, sports teams, and other organizations to toe the line and keep our individual and collective wellness at the core of what we do.
What’s wrong with praising the effort? Isn’t it about building young people? Shouldn’t we be building each child, praising the effort and the process above the result? Building esteem? In fact, isn’t all of it (or shouldn’t all of it) be to see where we all fit, where we belong, where we thrive, where we contribute most, where we’re happiest?
Stephen Hawking probably wasn’t very good at basketball. Lebron James probably couldn’t master theoretical physics. Saint Teresa of Calcutta may never have become a great chef, and I don’t recall reading about Einstein’s moves on the dance floor, but they’re all arguably the very best that ever lived at their particular crafts.
Our current education system takes its roots from the industrial revolution, designed to teach us and train us and guide us toward “success,” in a society that values things over thoughts and profit over people. Although it’s wrapped in a prettier bow, we are being turned into employees.
We’re left existing in a society in which a few of us are winning (working in industries we love and living a life that is both happy and rich) but most of us are left flipping the proverbial burgers. We feel unfulfilled, stuck in “the rat race.” I believe that’s because those in power don’t want it to be different.
With financial incentives (subsidies) presented to our food industry that make it more profitable to be less healthy, then offer a pill designed to “fix” virtually anything that ails you, it’s clear that our individual and collective wellbeing is not on the radar screens of the powers that be. Then, leveraging effective marketing techniques such as “planned obsolescence,” “the just noticeable difference,” “virtual scarcity,” and the simplest of them all…fear, the few become fewer and fewer. The masses become employees that funnel more and more money into the bank accounts of the few. In short, they win. We lose.
But can we all win? Can we do it without lowering the bar or without some sort of soul crushing communist center of power that dictates what we do and don’t do and re-distributes our careers and our wealth? I believe we can. I believe that we can create an environment where nobody loses…or better yet, one in which everybody wins.
Keeping in mind that my initial expectations out of high-school was that I would become a US Marine; a lifer. When that didn’t pan out (due to illness) I knew I was gonna be a police officer, only to learn two years in that I simply couldn’t be. I couldn’t be a doctor. I couldn’t be a pastor. I couldn’t be a chef. I couldn’t be in theater. Or…perhaps I should say I couldn’t be happy doing those things. I play music, I race cars, I write poetry, and I absolutely love teaching. (Just keep me away from the kindergarten through 3rd grade!)
We’re different; each of us. Thank goodness for that! So why have we spent 150 years (or more) squashing that? Fitting every uniquely shaped peg into a round hole? Why haven’t we learned to leverage that to our individual and collective advantage. That’s perhaps the biggest folly of our current educational system. We’re simply not equipped to (nor encouraged to) do so.
Thankfully, the Japanese (and many other cultures) are leading the way (and have been for thousands of years). Now, although this Japanese word has been completely played out on social media, its spirit has stood the test of time since the 8th century: Ikigai.
Ikigai is made up of two Japanese words, iki (生き), which means life, and kai (甲斐), meaning effect, result, value, benefit, or worth. Iki and kai come together to give us ikigai: a reason to live/to exist. And seriously, look at how beautifully, organically, healthily (that’s a word…right?) ikigai wraps life up in a big beautiful hug. All we have to do is ask ourselves (with regard to our direction.)
- Is this something that I love?
- Is it something that the world needs?
- Is it something I have a natural aptitude, talent, or liking of?
- Is it something I can get paid for?
This isn’t a rhetorical question, but…couldn’t we do this? In the US? In the “west?” I don’t remember anyone sharing the idea of ikigai with me when I was young. I certainly don’t hear teachers or coaches or spiritual leaders sharing it with us. Wouldn’t we see, in school and beyond, more engagement, fewer emotional crises, more joy, less frustration and stronger feelings of purpose and being on target? Wouldn’t we see higher attendance in school, less turnover at work, and higher achievement in both? Wouldn’t we see fewer people struggling with feelings of hopelessness and depression, and see more dreams coming true? It sure feels like it to me.
Can we all be winning? I think we can.
Harvesting Insights 